When you find yourself outside looking In on life, & even your family treat you like a loser?
What is a loser? Isn’t it a person who loses at life? What if the person losing at life is a caring, decent, thoughtful, polite person, who has never been given a break by anyone? What if the loser at life…is different & tries really hard to grab onto that elusive American dream, but they just can’t quite get there? What if the loser never had good luck, good timing or a supportive family? How can they be faulted? I thought losers didn’t care.
The “loser” might be barely getting by, maybe on disability, but has never been to jail & never committed a crime. The loser did not flunk out of school, but was never able to manifest a career, get married, have children, buy the house & truck, have a slew of friends to invite over for pizza night, never fulfilled their dreams. . . but still had to watch all their siblings go on to “succeed” much easier in life, with relationships, marriage, kids & career. The loser was not jealous & never complained, but often wondered why they couldn’t achieve what others take for granted. Sadly, instead of the loser’s siblings being kind they roll their eyes, make them feel like an embarrassment, not doing enough, an outcast, etc…in multiple subtle & not so subtle ways?
What if to some people…it doesn’t come natural for them to do what everyone else does & when they try, they can’t? There inconsiderate siblings brush the lack of success off as intentional, & it never once occurs to them that their sibling has tried for most of their lives until they finally gave themselves permission to accept who they are. Isn’t it cruel to nag, push, & pick at the someone who is a “loser” at life? Why do the “winners” at life feel it’s necessary to heap blame and condemnation onto struggling people? Why do people choosing to live their lives a different way, bother them so much? Don’t they know that their sibling is already beating themselves up & berating themselves daily? It’s hard to tell if they genuinely care, or are just embarrassed by their sibling. Sometimes it seems like like they take perverse pleasure in pointing it out to maybe assure themselves…”My life could be worse…at least I’m not like Pat”.
The problem with many “well-meaning” people is they judge. They think their way is the only way for every single person in the world. It’s not obviously not true.
I think people who try to do their best, even if they lose are still winners. Those that think family members & others who don’t do things a certain way are losers, have it wrong. Judging is not love. Love comes in many forms. Love is acceptance, peace, respect, understanding & patience, but it is not judgment, shame & rejection. In fact, those that have no empathy & compassion for members of their own family are the ones who are failing, in my opinion. When family members do this, they create a toxic environment where the square peg of the family is rejected by the only people they should be able to trust. It is betrayal at the deepest level, especially if the family member is a parent.
The spiritual component would suggest that GOD (spirit, source, etc) would want us to help others, accept the uniqueness in each other, & let those that are different feel like they are equal family members & can contribute to society too. Being different doesn’t mean less than. Compassion & empathy are essential ingredients in forming relationships with our own family members…even the ones we think of as outcasts. Black and white thinking is best to be avoided. It dismisses people without assessing their strengths in life, because they aren’t the ones “society” values. It’s time to move away from that old paradigm & into a new one by embracing the different unique viewpoints of others. Part of living is growing & expanding your perspective.
